GOALS!

GOALS!

So, it’s the start of a new year! Thank goodness, right?

SO typically, this is the time of year people start making resolutions, wanting to change some aspect of their life, whether it be a health change or career change or finally finding love, New Years seems to be the time to make those goals.

I guess I am an odd woman out here, I loathe New Years celebrations and the tradition of making grand resolutions. I think it comes from me not wanting to say goodbye, and realizing just because the clocks strikes midnight on Dec. 31st it doesn’t mean everything will magically change. I mean hello America is still knee deep in an absolute mess. Pandemic is still going strong, politics are a mess, and etc… No, I look at it as it is just another day.

HOWEVER! I am a HUGE fan of making goals. So, if January 1st is your day to make goals, then I highly encourage it! I feel like though Charlie and I start out New Year’s Resolution way back in October. On that awful day that has since turned into a GREAT day! Charlie was let go suddenly without cause or reason from his job on October 1st. That single event made something snap inside of Charlie, he became laser focused on finding a way to making something for ourselves. He didn’t want to be in that situation again. If he were to lose his job again, he was going to make darn sure that we had some form of income that could carry us through without worrying about unemployment or draining our savings. Now granted so far, our journey hasn’t made us any money, but that’s ok “because everything starts out small, there is no A to Z, because you have to go A to B….” -Steve Aoki

Also did you know every day is the beginning of another round of 365?? That means ANY DAY is a good day to make a goal, or to change up your resolution. You know it is 100% OK to reassess your New Years resolutions. If they aren’t working for you, then dig deep, see why and what you can do to make it work. Or maybe you simply no longer desire to achieve a resolution you set. That is OK too! My goodness Charlie and I change ours all the time. One of my favorite sayings is “love is like a fart, if you have to force it, it’s probably shit.”, I think this applies to so much in life. Like art… if you have to force it, it’s probably not going to turn out to be your best work?? Me with blogging… yes believe me if this were forced it would be worse. LOL People change, so of course goals and dreams change too. That is just nature, you are not a failure, you are HUMAN! Don’t be discouraged if you don’t achieve a huge goal by next year, just keep going. There is no rule that says you have to do XYZ by Dec. 31st at 11pm. The thing about goals, are they are a tool to help us be our best selves. They aren’t a tool to stress us out, or discourage us.

May I offer some advice, if you set a BIG resolution/goal… Make mini goals to help achieve that big goal. Also grab yourself a journal, or notebook, or whatever works for you. Write the main goal in bold letters, then write how you plan to achieve it. Mark out a path, break it down, so anyone could see exactly how you plan to get there. Like you want to lose weight, first how much? What is the first step to achieve weight lose? Giving up soda? Giving up grains? Whatever it is put those mini details down and cross those off as you achieve them. I don’t know about you, but there is something so satisfying about crossing things off a list! This will help keep you encouraged and focused. I am such a list and goal dork, I have a goal to refinish my hardwood floors myself. So, I have a list of the tools I need and their price to rent from Home Depot, I have the steps written out. Seriously I have “hang plastic sheets up in all doorways to block dust” as my first item! I even have “call Opa for advice” on there because he has refinished hardwood floors once or twice in his lifetime. It may seem pointless to some aka Charlie LOL but it is all about what works for you and your brain!

So go forth and make those resolutions/goals, stayed encouraged and focused. You can achieve anything you set your mind too. Your Yeti is out there just waiting for you to find him, so what are you waiting for???

 

 

S.A.D. more like S.B.R.T.H. (Stupid brain ruining the holidays)

S.A.D. has struck! I was truly hoping to avoid this year, well really I hope to avoid EVERY year! I hate it so much!!!!! Oh I guess I should explain what S.A.D. is, might be helpful. S.A.D. stands for Seasonal Affective Disorder, it ‘s a form a depression that strikes from fall through to Spring. You don’t have to have depression normally to get hit with S.A.D. or “The Winter Blues”. No this type of depression can pick on anyone. However if you have a history with depression you are a prime target. Pretty shitty right? Like oh you haven’t had to battle your demons enough this year so WHAM here’s some more! Sorry I’m in a mood, I fully blame S.A.D. No one can quite pin down the exact cause of S.A.D., however there are a few things that they have linked to what could trigger it. Lack of sunlight, this is a big one for me… which I found strange because I love a good overcast rainy day. However multiple overcast rainy days does consume me so yeah I need my sun shine like I need clean air to breath. Plus sunlight helps with serotonin levels when those drop so does the mental health. Charlie has the hardest time with the less sunlight, he doesn’t fall into a depression, but he hates coming home from work when it is pitch black outside. He feels like he is robbed. I don’t blame him really, he works inside all day with no windows, he goes in when it’s dark and leaves when the sun has set. That sounds like a sick twisted nightmare to me.  OK so enough about the sun.. Let’s talk about how insanely cold the weather can get. I mean I love the Viking blood that pumps through my veins, darn tooting proud to trace my heritage back to those great explores. However that said, I bring shame to my long gone Viking ancestors. I LOATHE bone chilling cold weather! It’s like my body refuses to go out in it. That makes it so I am stuck inside, which I think will hit even harder this year. We have all been stuck inside playing it safe thanks to stupid Covid-19. Now I don’t think stay safe inside is stupid, I think that fact that here in America we are still stuck playing it safe is so frustrating! I have a feeling a lot more people will be facing S.A.D. Demons this year. Getting outside so good for the mind, body, and soul. We need that fresh air, the open space, the feeling of the sun on our bodies. It is a basic human need.

OK so hopefully you have a little insight to what S.A.D. is, and PLEASE if you are struggling with depression PLEASE speak to a health care professional. DO NOT let your ego or someone else’s ego stop you from seeking the help that can help you. No shame in the mental health game!!!

So, yes it has struck me, well not struck, but I feeling it creeping up on me. Oh boy do I feel it, and it is making me MAD!!! Last night I was watching a silly Christmas movie on Lifetime, oh it was so bad, and Charlie was bring a good sport and hanging out with me. I told him all sudden I was pissed off, and I want to throw a hulk fit. He asked why, and I replied “dunno”. Truthfully in the moment I didn’t recognize what was causing me to be so mad. However this morning, whilst I was thinking and trying to solve my own little mystery. I realized It was my body reacting to a dip in those lovely serotonin levels, yes I turn into the she hulk when I get depressed or anxious. Not fun! I hate being mean, and mad. Seriously I wish I could be sweet and happy all the time. Alas I am not wired that way. So now I know it’s setting in, what do I do?!?! My first impulse is to go on a shopping spree, spend all my money on wants and not needs. Yes this is my nasty, toxic way of dealing with mental health. I DO NOT RECCOMEND IT!!!!!!!! So I turn to things that bring my serotonin levels up. Like the smell of Christmas, the sounds of Christmas, and move! Moving your body, raising your heart rate every now and then is good! Whether you exercise (which I need to do) or have a random dance breaks with your kids or self, move your body! I refocus from the things that bring me down this time, like money and wants. Instead of focusing on the fact that I can’t buy all those shiny new toys for the kids, I focus on how to make a memory with them. Cheesy YES, stupid NO! Seriously Echo is 2 1/2 years away from turning 18 and possibly leaving home. This fact terrifies me to my core, and I want make sure I can do all those silly cheesy holiday things with her while I still can. Yes she laughs and rolls her eyes at me, but I don’t care and I know secretly she loves it just as much as I do. Oh also another simple thing that totally brightens my day, I phone a friend 🙂 Well more like I call my Mom and Dad, sisters too. We live a state apart and it SUCKS, but talking to either of them for 30 minutes can totally reset my mood. Heck even writing this blog or word vomit (you pick) has sparked enough joy for me, that I might be able to make it through the day. 

So in conclusion, if you are suddenly not feeling like yourself, know you are not alone and you are normal! Call your doctor, no shame in needing medical help to get you through the “Winter Blues” or life! Talk to a friend, get your body moving, and refocus on to things that make you feel happy. Be aware of what your body and mind need, take care of yourself so you can be there for those who count on you.

And as always GO FIND YOUR YETI!! He or she is out there, we may have to climb mountains or swim across a sea to find it, but it’s out there wanting for you!

Finally Feeling Like Me Again!

I’m finally feeling like me again! Isn’t it funny how life works out?? Seriously I was in such a depressive down turn for almost a year recently, and I was clueless as to why.

I’m talking my anxiety was keeping me from sleeping, fear of everything would haunt my brain every night. I would be super snappy with my kids and friends.  I would find myself stuck, immovable, unable to preform simple tasks  such as washing dishes or folding laundry, hell even brushing my teeth was almost too much at times, (No worries I still brushed them).  Life was becoming too much, and then Covid-19 hit…  Ugh that threw us all an unexcepted curveball.  At first it wasn’t too bad, kids were home all day, but that wasn’t so bad.  Charlie still had his job, so we were fairly lucky… or so I thought.  However the longer Covid-19 went on the harder it became.  I’m not a huge social person, but I was no longer allowed to hang out with my friends, my youngest kid still has only seen his friends in person maybe 3 times since March of 2020. This hit me hard.  I began to beg and plead with Charlie to move me back to Utah to be with family. I felt so alone here hundreds of miles away from my Mom and Dad, Sisters and all my Nieces and Nephews.  I was at the lowest point I had been since I had postpartum depression with my Tango, (that was seriously, dangerously low). 

Jump to Oct. 1st, one of my most favorite days of the year! It is the kick off to my favorite time of the year. A little something I like to call “HalloThanksMas”. The holiday season was finally here! I vowed that I was going to throw myself into the holiday spirit and I was determined to have the best Halloween despite Covid-19. I was doing good for the first 3 hours of the day… Then I got a call from Charlie, He had just been let go from his job (so many angry emotions on this subject, but I will let karma do her thing instead of dragging people through the mud).  Job loss, is one of those stupid fears that had been haunting me! I lost it! Like, I was so terrified of losing my home, not having any family near me to run to if we needed help, what if he never finds another job??? I mean I couldn’t breathe, I was completely irrational. I had told my mom, I felt like I was grieving.  We had been through a layoff before and it hadn’t even bothered me half as much as this one did.

Finally 3 days later I stopped crying! It was a true miracle, crying wears me out.  Charlie had hit the ground running, he had already applied for 10 different jobs the first day! He polished up his resume and went to work. He was AMAZING! He didn’t skip a beat, nor did he ever show any doubt that we would be fine. I love that about him, He lifts me up without ever reaching down for me.  Then he got the bug of starting up a business of our own, Thus “Whiskey N’ Charlie” was born. We have always loved working together, we started way back in our senior year of high school, we both worked on the daily news show, Bengal Vision. It was a 10 minute daily announcements, and watch us make fools of ourselves kind of a show.  That’s where we fell in love, but that’s for another story.  So we started up the website, and then the podcast and stickers (which we are still working on). Suddenly I noticed as we had been planning and working a weight was being lifted. I was able to fall asleep without a panic attack, I was no longer begging Charlie to move back to Utah. In fact I was remembering all the quirks I love about our little town. I no longer felt low or blue, and it wasn’t like I was actively doing anything too different then I was doing before. I was happy most days without forcing it or relying on meds to induce those feelings. Finally, I was feeling like ME! 

So the shift?!? Yes the shift, I have two main theories on what the shift was. I mean the first is pretty obvious, I was spending all day with my whole little family. I love, love, love my crew! I love spending almost every waking minute with Charlie and creating Whisky N’ Charlie with him has been the best medicine of all! However I believe the second reason for the shift was, Charlie was no longer in a toxic job, he was no longer in a thankless, stress filled job. It’s funny how those things can spill over into our lives. He would express stress and frustration with work, but never expressed just how much that job was killing him. However, now don’t laugh, but Charlie and I are so connected, (like I knew when he was in a car accident in another country before he told me, I knew he had been involved in something life altering when he was Iraq before he told me) we are so connected that without knowing it, I will take on his pain, his anger, his hurt, as he will with me. I was in this low state for as long as Charlie had been miserable at his job. Once that weight had been lifted from him, it was lifted from me as well. 

It’s funny how life works, I mean there I was grieving over Charlie losing his job without stopping to think that it might be a blessing in disguise. I had totally forgotten to look for the Silver Lining, I was so focused on my stupid anxiety. Now I am not saying life is happily ever after now, oh no I know better than that. What I am saying is look past the fear, look for those glimmers of light, focus on those. Who knows, Whiskey N’ Charlie may never turn a profit or reach more than 20 people, and that’s ok! I am taking back my life and telling my demons to piss off. I’m shifting my focus, and yes it’s scary, but at least it isn’t keeping me up at night.

Now I know I will still have my low days or weeks, my anxiety didn’t disappear. For now though I won this battle, and that’s good enough for me. I’m taking this life one battle at a time, or at least I am trying too. One step closer in finding my Yeti!

To all my fellow Mental Health Warriors one small nugget from me to you, find joy in the small things, focus on the silver linings. Even when we are facing dark times, there are always cracks of light all around. Find them and hold onto them with all your might. We are worth it, we are needed! Remember: Humor, Authenticity, Positivity, Perseverance, and Yetis!

Finally Feeling Like Me Again!

Love you all- Whiskey